Anger Management: 101

prologue

On the way home from a MOPS pajama party, I chatted with a mommy-friend who was following me home. It was late, my children had played hard and well, and now that we were all trapped in the van together, they worked very hard at annoying each other. 

I chose to actively ignore them and stay calm while chatting with my friend.

Izzie and Isaac continued to get noisier and noisier. Isaac was singing a song, topping the song on the radio; Isabelle was in a full-on tirade, screaming at the top of her lungs demanding that Isaac stop singing and pleading that I make him stop--at once! 

the drama

Looking back in my rear view mirror, it looked like Izzie was about to come out of her car seat to throttle her brother. I muted Stephanie, and proceeded to hear Izzie scream: "Mommy! I threw up in the van!!!"

Yep. You can't make this stuff up.

She was so angry at Isaac that she literally made herself vomit.

Thankfully, I was able to remain calm on this one.

I pointed out her physical aches (headache, tummy ache, taste of vomit in her mouth) and I asked her if getting angry like that felt good to her. We talked about how anger can hurt us and it can hurt others. She apologized numerous times and then asked us to forgive her.

In the end, it was a tender moment—learning about the destructive nature of anger first-hand at the age of four must be exhausting. I know it was for me.

epilogue

Steve tucked the kids in bed, while I humbly took cleaning supplies out to the van to clean up the mess. Afterword, Steve gently pointed out that Izzie had been doing what we have been asking her to do when she's angry: to ask a parent or an adult for help.

I blew it! Here I thought I was being slick by actively ignoring my daughter and maintaining my motherly state of calm. 

What I originally thought was a good decision and a life lesson about the destructive nature of anger, actually morphed into the reality that my availability is an essential offensive weapon for my little one.  

Lord Jesus, thank you for making a way to boldly enter the throne room; so that whenever I have need, I can call the Father's name and know with assurance that He hears me because of your perfect life, death, and resurrection. As I trust in You--in my oh-so-imperfect life--give me the grace and strength and wisdom to know when intercede on behalf of my children without hovering them and robbing them of a powerful lesson. Amen.

Laundering and Bedtime

Laundry perplexes me.

Tossed and piled, dirty laundry evokes dread and irritation in me, yet freshly laundered, crisply folded, and stored laundry transfigures me from a sluggish mommy of three, who is just trying to keep it together, to an adroit homemaker who never fears that soiled garment may be lurking under the sofa.

How can fabric do that? Perplexing.

Isaac, 14 months at nap time.

Tonight as I was nursing my littlest one, I thought about how laundry and bedtime routines are similarly perplexing.

Tucked and snuggled in bed, my preschool children can stir up great warmth and emotion in my heart; yet my over-tired, sugar-filled, cranky children can, in a flash, transform me into an impatient, hard, bad-tempered drill sergeant, who denies that extra cup of water, one more trip to the toilet, and that ever-needed snack without a crack of compassion in her voice. 

How can bedtime do that? Perplexing.

Unlike laundry, children do not come with care instructions: wash with like siblings, feed lean meats, discipline when necessary, and put to sleep at [insert hour here] for ten to twelve hours.

One of these days this rookie-mother will figure out a good system, the perfect routine, a fail-safe way of being skillful in rearing her children. 

In the meantime, I trust in God's sovereignty; He knew before the foundation of the world what fabric of mommy I am and what fabric of children mine are. He paired us perfectly together for His glory and for a purpose far beyond my understanding. 

And, as for care instructions? God's Word says: "do justly, love mercy, and walk humbly with your God."

Lord Jesus, in Your divine wisdom and according to Your holy purpose, You have entrusted me with three children: masterpieces, uniquely patterned fabrics made in Your image. Soften my sharp angles, and let me not prick and scar their tender hearts. Help me remember to mother on delicate cycle more often.